Thursday, April 30, 2009
Taking a break......
Sometimes we can sense these seasons approaching. When you can no longer push aside the growing conviction that you are being invited to do something that feels threatening, uncomfortable and might reveal a need to evaluate on what foundation you have formed your sense of security, identity and purpose. I am not sure what these thoughts all mean for me. Significant events in my life the past few months have forced me to stop and reevaluate where my energy has been going and how much I actually have to offer. Sometimes the cumulitive weight of what we are carrying, being and doing for others catches up to you and something has to give.
As an artist, creating and revealing ourselves is a calling near to breathing. Our social media world has given us ample opportunity to share, reveal, promote, expose and spread ourselves out to far reaches of the world in a way that feels so personal and authentic. It can be a such a powerful way to communicate and has such incredible benefits. But I have this haunting, unsettling feeling that has persisted....about how it all is affecting our capacity for depth and real intimacy in our face to face relationships and our emotional availiablity to those who might even be in our own homes, our neighborhoods, our communities. There can be an illusionary sense of being known when connected everywhere on line...but what of ourselves are we revealing in our being known...and at what depth are we connected to what we are revealing? I find myself needing to ask the questions and listen for balanced answers. As I work and view the world as it presents itself through the computer screen...unfortunately more often than I have breathed in the fresh air lately.... I can't deny the need to redefine what I am doing and restore a sense of balance. I am grateful to have wise ones in my life encouraging a time of backing away....a time to catch up to myself....be present...and move back into the deeper journey I had begun. I am grateful for the invitation.
I realize my work requires use and resources of the internet. I know that I am so blessed and grateful for such wonderful and amazing souls I am lucky to call friends who I would not have met were it not for having risked myself in my artowrk, here in on this blog or other in creative on-line communities. Those who visit here have often extended words of support and encouragement to me as I have expressed my creative journey and work and I hope I have shown that kindness in return. I am just asking myself some hard questions...for me personally....and it feels critical to my emotional and spiritual health that I make room to investigate the answers. My humanity cries out, "But what if they forget me and I vanish into obscurity!" Even behind that cry lies an opportunity to explore concepts of value and self-worth. In reality, this is only one of several impacting situations in my own personal life that has culminated in a halt to how I had been living it recently. Sometimes the plates we are trying to keep in the air need to be set down for awhile.
So I feel the need to listen and check for healthy balance in my life. Go on more dates with my husband. Hold up my end of a conversation with God again. Take my youngest to the skate park...he has been begging me. Go to coffee with my teenagers...as long as I pay of course. Take the dog for more walks....she looks at me longingly when she sees me put on my tennis shoes. Stop and talk to my neighbors....I might have something they need. Read more. Journal more. Write more. Create some healing art for my local community....walk in and actually meet them and place it in their hands. Hike in and stand before that secret waterfall up at Mt Hood. My soul is thirsty for whatever else this space opens up and reveals to me. I need to lay it all down and rest for awhile first. I look forward to picking things back up again when the time is right....when my breathing is fuller and deeper...and the fresh air from a more three-dimensional place has filled my lungs.
So I am sure it won't be forever. I"ll peek in again. I hope to continue Art Blessing Giveaways here and there. I will still be creating art for the healing journey behind the scenes, quietly offering new work on my sites as time, energy and revelation present themselves. Most of what I hope to discover and reclaim I know in my heart will not be found on-line. Just taking time to step back and try to take a little better care of myself! My deepest hope is to open and make space for what needs opening and be in a place to make the changes that are revealed! I pray your days are blessed and you take time to listen....and see if your soul is thirsting for anything....if there are any questions that need answering....or if you just need a breath of fresh air....